For a whole variety of reasons, some clients do not have meaningful and trustworthy relationships with family and/or friends. Some do, but the therapist-client relationship is still different – we are not your friends, but we are committed to your wellbeing. However, for some clients the relationship with their therapist can be the most honest and authentic they have. A therapist will create an environment of security and safety, be non-judgmental, show warmth, and be a good listener. The overall aim is to create a connection or bond through which both therapist and client work collaboratively to first explore the issues brought into the therapy room, and then find ways in which clients can move forward and make any changes they feel necessary.

Another reason why the therapeutic relationship is so significant is that often represents a microcosm of the client’s world. The challenges and patterns that clients experience in the wider world can often show up in their relationship with the therapist. For example, many clients often prioritise the needs of others at the expense of their own. In time, that dynamic can show up in therapy where clients may feel the urge to look after or not upset the therapist. A therapist, however, will bring that pattern into the open with the client and it can be explored.

However, let’s not kid ourselves that everybody automatically bonds with the other, or that people don’t fall out with each other. For that reason, we encourage clients to speak up when they feel something is not quite right within the therapeutic relationship – as awkward or difficult as that might seem. The therapist would want you to speak up – an exploration of why you perhaps feel negatively towards the therapist not only encourages an honest dialogue, but can be therapeutic within its own right. Indeed, that process of rupture and repair can ultimately deepen the therapeutic relationship yet further.